HomeOld_PostsAfrican family relations: Part Two.....foundation for promoting peace and co-existence

African family relations: Part Two…..foundation for promoting peace and co-existence

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When we become so individualistic that we do not even know our next-door neighbours, then we are no longer Africans.
And that is what Western colonialism has done to us Africans; it has dehumanised us to a point where we do not value our relationship with other members of our society.
Africans will normally seek to find a basis upon which they can establish cordial relations with a stranger. This is over and above the close family ties within the immediate family circle.
In Zimbabwe, as indeed is the case in most sub-Saharan countries, marriage relationships constitute one of the strongest bonds that promote unity, peace and stability.
But African relationships have wider dimensions.
In Zimbabwe, we speak of ‘unhu/ubuntu’ to describe the good proper behaviour a person must show whether alone or in the company of others.
An individual asks herself/himself what people will say if the individual acts or behaves in a way considered unbecoming.
That is the first level of relating to people around the individual.
One is expected to feel ashamed of oneself if one behaves in an anti-social manner.
This is where relationships come in to buttress the pressure on individuals to behave.
Within the nuclear and the extended African family where all my father’s brothers are my ‘fathers’ and my mother’s sisters are my ‘mothers’, the pressure to conform to expected standards of behaviour is extremely high. So ‘ukama’ becomes a socialising tool.
Western societies have fragmented socially as family relationships have been eroded to a point where even the marriage covenant now counts for little in terms of cementing family relations.
My African fathers and mothers have a right not only to chastise me but if necessary to administer corporal punishment.
Never mind what the English and their American cousins now say against corporal punishment today, the wisdom of experience led their forefathers to say: Spare the rod and spoil the child.
This adage is identical to the African view on bringing up children and dissuading them from wayward behaviour by using appropriate physical punishment.
Those who advocate against corporal punishment have an agenda to erode the moral base of our communities where children become like wild animals or ‘mombe dzamashanga’.
And so we must repeat again that: ‘One of the most devastating impacts of Western colonialism is the destruction of family bonds (ukama) within African communities’ resulting in weakened resilience to socio-economic stresses among families and communities.
In the previous article on this topic, we tried to explain and illustrate the strength of the African extended family relationships in which the ‘nuclear’ family is fully embedded and indistinguishable.
Today we shall explore the typically African phenomenon of deliberately seeking ‘ukama’ with strangers they have met for the first time.
The Ndebele or Shona elders in Zimbabwe will ask a stranger they encounter, well before the conversation goes far: ‘Isibongo ngubani m’tanami(Nd)/Ko mutupo ndiani mwanangu? (Sh)’. What is your totem my child?
Upon being told the totem of the stranger, the elder will quickly ’google’ his ‘hard disc’, or memory to find if s/he has any existing relative with that totem.
If the totem is similar to his, then the person is taken to be a very close relative with age being used to assign the appropriate relationship. If the stranger is young, s/he automatically becomes a daughter or son, as the case may be.
If an age-mate, then the stranger is designated as a sister or brother.
If older or younger, the appropriate designation applied to one’s siblings will also be used for the stranger.
If the stranger’s totem is different, the ‘host’ will again search his/her memory to find any related in-laws with a similar totem. If found, the stranger will be allocated to the appropriate in-law category. For example if the stranger is a ‘Sibanda’ /Shumba’ and the host has a daughter married to people of the lion totem, he automatically assumes the relationship title of ‘um’kwenyana’/mukwasha’, that is, son-in-law. If female, the converse will apply where the stranger will be taken to be a daughter-in-law.
For as long as the two will remain in contact, that relationship will remain operative. In fact it will be permanent.
What is of particular significance is that these relationships, based on totemism, pervade most African relationships and are taken very seriously. People who meet in foreign lands, away from home, will bond permanently on the basis of these totemic relations.
King Mswati of Swaziland, in his polygamous marriage, takes at least one wife from each of the distinct clans of the VaSwati people. This way he cements his relationship with most of his country’s citizens. He becomes a son-in-law to each of the clans.
Each clan will be able to state their relationship to the King; which relationship, being based on marriage, is close and binding.
By extension, all the other clans become related through their common son-in-law, the King.
This helps to build national unity as almost all citizens are closely related through marriage.
Many African monarchs in history used this strategy to unite their kingdoms and strengthen unity.
Quite often, a gallant young fighter would be offered the hand of a king’s daughter for winning the ruler’s battles.
A case in point is that of Mucherengi of the Mhofu Museyamwa clan, who helped Chief Bepura to defend his territory from enemies in the Doma, Mhangura area of what is now Mashonaland West Province. As a token of appreciation, Mucherengi was given Bepura’s daughter for a wife, and allocated his own area, ‘dunhu’, to administer. The father-son-in-law alliance cemented by marriage has lasted to the present day.
When the white regime chased Chief Bepura from his land, driving hime across the Manyame to Chief Chipuriro’s country, Mucherengi went with his tezvara and was allocated his own area, ‘kwaMucherengi’.
The lesson to note is that African relationships established through marriage and totemic relatedness provided the bonds of unity that have propelled Africans to build and defend great empires and to form enduring dynasties.
The advent of Western capitalist individualism and promotion of a nuclear family divorced from the traditional wide extended family has spelt doom for African unity and resilience against both natural and human-induced calamities.
The lesson for all Africans is that ‘Unity is Strength’.
We must guard against divisive individualistic philosophies peddled by our erstwhile colonisers. The school system must be used to build a culture of national unity and tolerance.
United we will prevail!
Divided we shall fall prey to Africa’s enemies!

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