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Funerals during lockdown in UK

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By Dr Masimba Mavaza

FUNERALS are very somber occasions. 

However, these days the bereaved go all out in their send-off of the departed.

A big send off has, however, developed another meaning. 

It means mourners should be treated to a ‘wonderful’ funeral they will never forget.

Funerals have become a showing off platform and it has become a ‘new normal’. 

People leave funerals talking about how many people attended and what they wore.

In England, most Zimbabweans hire cars to attend funerals. 

The showing off custom has enveloped the Zimbabwean community in the UK.

But with COVID-19 pandemic dictating the pace, things have changed.

The rituals of saying goodbye to people we love are really important. 

The added complication for those in grief at the moment is the backdrop of countless other unattended funerals, the constant noise of news coverage, worries about their own health, income loss and children needing home-schooling, among others. 

This is the new norm induced by the COVID-19 scourge.

Many people are saying they feel so numb that they can’t express any feeling.

A Zimbabwean businesswoman here shared the heart-rending moments when her husband passed on. 

“I was ushered into a room, there were rows of chairs. Every single one was empty. I was there all alone. That room used to be a chapel before the pandemic, you would come with your relatives but on this day it was me alone. Two hospital staff members walked in and told me that my husband had died and that they would help me with all arrangements for the burial. I was warned not to bring more than five people to the burial.”

It was going to be a funeral with no mourners – and not for a lack of relatives and friends. Relatives and friends are unable to attend because of coronavirus restrictions.

Pastor Chihwai of the Adventist Church said he felt “…very protective of the lady who had died” in the absence of family. 

“The words I was speaking seemed to be even more important; it was a massive mark of respect to go ahead with the ceremony even though I was the only person there.” 

He had attended one funeral where he had come a a volunteer clergy.

The family told him “…it brought them some comfort to know that their mum was still having a dignified and respectful funeral service presided over by a pastor.”

Government guidelines, drawn up in conjunction with ethicists and faith leaders, in recent weeks, permit close family members to attend funerals while observing physical distancing. 

It gives a maximum number of five and not more. For Zimbabweans, this is not normal. They want three days of mourning and they expect speeches and speeches by the graveside. 

The churches were told to stop funeral service. Even if they want to, the body will not be released to the Church. Most bodies are cremated.

And a number of local authorities have banned funeral ceremonies in crematoria and cemeteries. 

Instead, they are offering only ‘direct cremations’, in which there is no ceremony and mourners are not present, and burial services at gravesides, with a maximum of 10 mourners observing physical distancing guidelines.

In our Zimbabwean culture, funerals need no invitations. 

How then can you select the 10 to attend. People need closure and, to some, the process of funeral service brings the closure we long for. 

Just to be told that one died and got buried is difficult to comprehend. What we’re seeing at the moment is a generalised sense of grief across the world – not just for those we’ve loved and lost, but for our own ability to get on with our lives. 

This veneer of grief is massively compounded when a family loses someone they love. 

It’s grief upon grief; if you are unable to attend the funeral, it’s yet another layer of grief.

“Families want to give their relatives the best possible celebration of their lives, surrounded by people who knew them. The comfort of hugs and handshakes is very important. There is no comfort which comes from nowhere. We are a community for a reason,” said Michael Cooper from Durham, UK.

Mudzamiri of Derby, UK, said: “These life rituals are shared acts of community. We want and need people with us to mark these significant moments in our lives.”
Most Zimbabweans who have failed to attend funerals said though ceremonies are live-streamed to them and other close family, members were left with feelings of guilt and shame.

“You should be there at the end, and I wasn’t. I felt ashamed in case other people were judging me. This is what was in my head – guilt and shame,” Precious Mathe said after her cousin was buried with no mourners.

“The ceremony was impeccable, except there was no one there who should have been there. I felt my mother was alone,” Loveness Mpofu noted after the burial of her mother.

Even though people come to funerals for different reasons, mourners always relieve the bereaved of the stress associated with death. 

This COVID-19 outbreak has taken away that.

Vazet2000@yahoo.co.uk

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