MARRIAGE is the only known incubator for the raising of balanced socially functional children.
It is a civilised union of man and woman, the ideal set-up for a child to be raised into full functionality in the African context and become a contributor to civilisation.
It is the institutionalisation of complementary relationship between male and female energies, enshrining in the child sentiments and values from both sexes.
This is the formula which is secured with marriage.
Extended family system sits in this equation by sharing responsibilities and ensuring balance.
In a good marriage, partners compliment each other and make both parties better.
Marriage is a journey through life which enhances and enriches entire communities.
It promotes sharing, tolerance, consideration, empathy, selflessness and other virtues.
In the history of human civilisation, the tradition of marriage stands independent of time, race, geography and culture.
It means it is an aspect of civilisation, humanity and human culture.
Marriage historically has been used in political unions between nations, between different ethnic groups to secure peace, trade and development.
And marriage is one thing that unites African culture.
Marriage in Africa, before Westernisation, was considered sacred as it solidified relationships and enriched communities and nations by bringing forth new life and hope.
African cultures celebrate the coming of the rains, the first harvest and the birth of a child.
Marriage is that cultural process which ushers in new life.
It is a cherished and most celebrated rite of passage since the dawn of African civilisation.
I recently visited Gwanda, where I found out some marriages that are deeply steeped in typical African culture defying modernity.
Would you marry your cousin?
Yes, according to some BaSotho tribesmen of Gwanda District in Matabeleland South Province, who until Zimbabwe’s independence, married their cousins.
Although this practice came in handy for those men who could not propose love to women, it also blocked cattle and wealth from going to other families in the form of lobola.
Elderly men in Gwanda said this marriage practice minimised marital violence and runaway divorces now common in today’s marriages.
According to Joseph Sebata who married his cousin 50 years ago: “You could not walk out on your cousin, or even beat her. This type of marriage would deter you from doing that, even cheating is unheard of.”
In her book, Broken Pillars, (College Press 2000) Tambudzai Kahari described this kind of marriage as deviant or illicit love.
But to the BaSotho, this is perfectly ‘legal’ — it is part of their culture.
They argue that the love for a female blood relative among the BaSotho has kept family bonds intact.
However, because of HIV/AIDS, this marriage system is fast dying out. But some BaSotho still insist on marrying their cousins, even in cases where the female cousin has lost a husband.
Practices such as these are still rife in some parts of the country.
Other forms of marriage are between people of different nationalities but share same cultural practices.
For example, people from Malawi have found it easier to be in union with Zambian nationals.
The cultural practices of the two nations have a lot in common.
Today, in different marriages, the background inquiry is made when the bride’s family knows nothing or very little of the groom’s family.
If they are satisfied and pleased with what they find out, they will send a list of things to the groom and his family to provide before they can marry the bride.
In the Western world, because of ‘feminism’, whatever that means, a good marriage is constructed differently from the African paradigm.